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I have a mushy brain today. Too much food and booze at Thanksgiving is making me sluggish. This means I should be able to make friends with the massive numbers of slugs that hang out at my apartment complex. They’re EVERYWHERE. And they’re slippery. I strongly suspect they’re trying to kill me. I might as well just throw banana peels all over the stairs (I have a friend who desperately wants me to include green bananas in my blog, but I’m just putting bananas because I think the ripe ones are actually slipperier than the green ones). At least it would smell good. But it might make me hungry all the time, so maybe not. It’s like those trickling table top waterfalls. Love ‘em, but they make me need to pee, and I pretty much need to pee all the time already. I swear, I have the bladder of a 2 year old – I grew, but it didn’t. And if I drink a beer? Forget about it. I’m like one of those Potty Polly dolls. You might as well just sit me on the toilet and feed me the beer so it can pass right through and into the bowl. Really, it’s sad. Road trips with me are a nightmare. By the way, you really shouldn’t Google images for “dolls that pee.” That’s some messed up shit, y’all. Here are 2 of the less scary examples of what pops up:

Dolls who pee 1 Dolls who pee 2