The hubs, S, still has not read any of my posts, so here is lie #3 about my husband: he is a pimp…for platypuses. He goes to zoos and parades lady platypuses in front of the horny teenager platypuses and the rich but lonely older platypuses. The poor lady platypuses have to wear really uncomfortable hooker heels and fishnets (actual fishnets, not fishnet stockings – they are aquatic creatures, after all). When they start throwing sand dollars (aquatic money, you know) at S, he lets them have the lady platypuses. This is actually very dangerous work, because did you know that male platypuses have venomous spurs? No shit. I’m not even kidding. Look it up, I’ll wait…I know, right?! I just totally jacked up your world, didn’t I? There you were going about your day, blissfully thinking that platypuses were just silly creatures to be mocked, but no, they’ll take you down, motherf*cker! Don’t mess with a platypus. Unless it’s not breeding season, in which case, apparently, the spurs are no longer secreting venom. How messed up is that??
So anyway, yeah, my husband is a platypus pimp.