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sewing instructions
Emily’s instructions for sewing: Roll out of bed in your pj’s and open a bottle of booze and set it next to the sewing machine. Opt for something light in color, like vodka, so that it won’t stain the fabric when you spill it. Open your laptop so that you can look up all the terms in the pattern’s instructions like “baste” so that you don’t just go with what your gut tells you it means and soak the fabric in a nice marinade. Set your cell phone nearby so that you can call your mom in a panic when you have accidentally sewn the sleeve of the pj’s you’re wearing to the hem of the dress you’re making. Warn the cats that stealing spools of thread will not be tolerated. Promise your husband that it will take no more than a day to complete the project, and you will immediately clean up when you’re done, all the while knowing that it will take at least 3 full days and that you’ll be so exhausted when you’re done that you won’t clean up for at least another 3 days after that. Set aside a little of your vodka to soften the blow when he finds out the truth. Also make sure to have at least double the fabric recommended in the pattern instructions for when you have to start over and you’ve collapsed into a heap of tears and have blown your nose all over the original dress. Enjoy!