Is there such a thing as Ex-Lax for computers? Because I’m pretty sure my computer is constipated. It needs a caffeine enema or something. That being said, I’m terrified it’s going to take a crap, figuratively speaking. I just ran a full backup just in case, but if it stays this slow, I’m going to have to defenestrate it.

Did you know that defenestrate is a word? One of my favorites actually. It means to throw a person or object out the window. Given the fact that there’s actually a word for that, I’m guessing that means that defenestration is a fairly regular occurrence. This worries me. Please, you guys, don’t toss me out a window, no matter how slow I get. Kthanksbye!