You’ll be pleased to know, dear internet, that my dad is not pregnant. Nor does he have uterine cancer or ovarian cysts. The dementia care facility called us late last night to say that his belly was swollen and hard and they were going to do an x-ray. Of course, I immediately looked up causes, and most sites listed those 3 causes as the most likely culprits. So, when they called this morning to say the x-ray showed nothing and he’s acting totally fine, we were very relieved. We don’t need any little demented babies running around that place. If he was pregnant, I know exactly who the mother would be. That same lady I told you about is still after all the gents in the joint, and when I sit with dad she tries to kill me with just her thoughts. I think she might be training to be a Jedi master. The staff kept yelling at her that I was Nick’s daughter, that he was married, that she was married, that Nick was not her husband, etc. She’d blink at them then go back to glaring at me. And since he was in a hugg-y and kiss-y mood, she was downright livid. So, in response, I tried to tickle her with just my thoughts. No dice. Oh well, I’m headed back to Raleigh today, so she can go back to just hating my mom. And we can go back to being relieved that he doesn’t have a bun in the oven.