Tags
Alzheimer's, bitchslap, Bodo's, dad, dementia, father, gratitude, karma, memories, pennies, penny, penny for your thoughts, trains, universe
Just when I thought the universe couldn’t bitchslap me any harder, I see this:
Now for most of you, this would mean nothing, but to me, it’s super meaningful. My dad and I used to get rid of the pennies in his pocket by leaving them around town as good luck for whomever found them. We’d hide them in the most random of places – inside books at the bookstore, inside planters, on railings, resting on the slats of plantation blinds…really anywhere you wouldn’t expect to find a penny. The tradition was, when you set it down, you had to say, with as much enthusiasm as humanly possible, “This is going to make someone verrrrrrrry happy!” Even if you were putting out 10 pennies, you had to say it each and every time.
S and I were shopping for some furniture for the new house and saw this penny sitting on top of the chair, and I just lost it. I started crying right there in the furniture store. Then we went to get ice cream, and someone was wearing a t-shirt from Bodo’s, our favorite bagel shop up in Charlottesville, VA, which is also the last restaurant we were still able to take Dad to after we put him in the dementia care facility. And finally, on the way to another store after getting ice cream, we passed Nick’s Trains store.
So, there I am, a hot, fragile mess, trying to pull it together before going into the next store, and I stopped and thought about it. And what I decided was that, with all the horribleness that this week has contained, maybe the universe was actually trying to remind me of how lucky I am. I have these silly memories of putting out pennies with my dad, and chowing down on the best bagels in the country, and train watching and flattening pennies on the train tracks – all with my dad. And now I’m teary, but for good reasons.
Thanks for the bitchslap, powers that be. I needed that.
Hmm, let me tell you the way I interpret your craziness. I was always told that when you see a random penny (not necessarily on the ground like from falling out of a purse/pocket) sitting on a couch or on your counter when you KNOW it wasn’t there yesterday or a few minutes ago, or its in a meaningful place (like you in the furniture store) it’s someone from the heavens sending you a sign that they are loving you and watching over you. Even though U Nick is with us in body, his spirit is not one we can grasp and maybe, just maybe, he’s letting you know that he is always watching over you. The Bodo’s t shirt and train shop just reinforce my thoughts. U Nick is alive and well in his soul and he’s trying to comfort you and tell you that he is ok and loves you and all your memories. My dad left this earth almost 30 years ago and every once in a while a random ‘daddy’ phrase will come out of my mouth, I’ll see that random penny or a random memory that comes in my head out of the clear blue about him that has been tucked away for years. I stop, look up to heaven and say ‘I Love You too Daddy’ because I know he’s there with me always. Even now, I’m writing this crying, but somehow I feel his arms around me comforting me like only he knew how.
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I agree. That penny was there for a reason, and I actually said out loud when I saw it, “Thanks, Dad.”
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