So there S and I are, shoveling food into our mouth holes enjoying a nice meal at IHOP, when a waitress walks by and – how shall I put this – emits anal vapors*. Meal over.
* Don’t you think they should make that flavor for e-cigarettes for people trying to quit?
The Perks of Being an Artist 
You tipped yourself off as insane with the “nice meal at IHOP” bit. Those words should never occur in that order and mentally balanced people know this. Because if the food is that bad, the farts are going to be epic. The waitress was only doing her job, sharing the menu with you, so to speak.
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