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As Dad starts to wind down, my mom and I are trying to prepare for his actual death as best we can. This includes talking about the tough stuff like what cremation service to use, what kind of memorial service to have, where we want to inter or scatter his ashes, etc. We are slowly lining things up so that, when the time comes, we won’t be overwhelmed. This is good, and is helping us emotionally prepare, though I am a little bit concerned that we’ll have taken care of everything and we won’t have anything to do to distract us when his death actually happens. When someone dies, historically, I go into “do” mode. I help plan the service, I clean out the person’s closet, I contact the people who need to be contacted. It keeps me occupied and not wallowing in pain, helping me to cope and to allow the grief to come in a little bit at a time, not as an onslaught. But we’ve been grieving for so long in this instance, that that distancing by “doing” may not be necessary this time around.

As a part of our preparations for my dad’s death, we’ve purchased a grave site and ordered a bench where his ashes can be interred, and that has 3 other spaces for our own ashes someday. We have the option of having something short engraved on the bench. Since Dad will be “getting the most use” out of the bench, it seems appropriate to choose something like lyrics from a jazz tune since Dad was a jazz musician. I’ve been going through my song books looking for options. Here are some of the lyrics I’ve rejected so far:

“I’m a glum one”

“The lady is a tramp”

“I’ve got you under my skin”

“Don’t you know, you fool, you never can win”

“Out cattin'”

“Doo wah doo wah doo wah”

“My heart does not stand still just hear it beat”

“I keep wishing I were somewhere else”

“When you are with me it’s worse”

“I’m limp as a glove”

“Blow your job”

“My new lovers all seem so tame”

“Mental deficient you’ll grade me”

“You’ve cooked my goose”

“I’m suing for damages”

If you have other suggestions from song lyrics (jazz or otherwise), please share them!!

 

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