, , , , , , , , ,

Tuesday, the big move happened. My mom and a friend moved my dad’s belongings over to the skilled nursing center on Monday, and were supposed to be moving him over, too, but there was some kind of staffing glitch. So Mom moved Dad over on Tuesday, instead. I didn’t hear much from Mom about it, so I assumed everything was okay. Checked in a few times, and she was doing alright. The next day, she texted a picture of him lined up in the hallway, just like we’d feared they would and just like they’d promised they wouldn’t. But some of the staff from the dementia care facility did make an effort to get over to see him on their breaks. So there’s that.

I texted with her last night because she’s caught up in the blizzard hitting the east coast and I wanted to make sure she was okay. She was not. As she put it, it was killing her to not be there with him. We had lost power and I was trying to preserve my cell phone battery charge, so I couldn’t call her, but I spoke to her today (our power is back on, thank goodness). She said he seems really sad. He wouldn’t engage with her at all. No response to the normal cues that make him chuckle or give even a one word answer. Even the activities director who knows him from the dementia care unit said he seemed sad, so we know it wasn’t just Mom projecting her emotions onto him. Exactly what we were afraid of happening. I hate the thought of his final days/months being sad ones. I hope he’s not scared. He doesn’t deserve this. I feel like we’re failing him even though we checked out every option and I know we chose the best one.

Really, it’s not us who are failing him, but the powers that be at the facility who insisted we move him. The system is failing us. There are no words for how furious I am at them for doing this to him and to us. I hate how far away I am because I can’t be there to hug my mom and give her comfort. Being stuck at home in a blizzard just leads to too much time to think and worry. This blizzard is exceptionally bad timing, because Mom being able to visit Dad would bring both of them a little solace right now. And I can hear the pain in my mom’s voice. She’s been so incredibly strong through all of this, but I can feel her heart breaking. I want to wrap her up in love and protect her from it, but I can’t. We have to face it. And we will. But it sure ain’t fun.

Anyway, if any of you out there are the sending good vibes or prayers kind, my family could use it right now. Just put a little love out into the universe for my parents, please.

As a thank you, I give you this: