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Sometimes, when I’m teaching a class and I’m waiting for my customers to finish painting a step and they’re not talking so I have nothing to eavesdrop on, I think things like, “If I were a sailor, I’d name my cat Catamaran.” And then I think things like, “How come no one has sold stock in themselves? I bet Kim Kardashian would do that.” And then I think things like, “I wish someone would invent bourbon slurpees.” And then I think things like, “Holy shitballs. It’s a really good thing my customers can’t hear my thoughts.”

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