Because I’m feeling like a lazy sack o’ shit today, I’m taking a cue from other bloggers (i.e., Jenny Lawson at The Bloggess) and am sharing the results Google proposes when I type in my name to see what I have:

I feel like my life has taken a wrong turn somewhere. I don’t, in fact, have a goblin in my garden, though, now, I desperately wish I did. I have a bunch of dying plants, though, since our flooding promptly turned into a drought. I also, to my knowledge, do not have a gun, a secret admirer, a boyfriend, or a twin pll. I don’t even know what a twin pll is, do you?!!

I have, however, had amnesia, though it wasn’t for revenge. Who would give themselves amnesia to get revenge?! Having had it, I can assure you that it didn’t punish anyone other than me. And maybe my parents. Maybe I was secretly angry at them because they were so crappy, and I knew I could make their life a living hell for a little while, and also get out of doing chores or homework or eating vegetables because I could say I had amnesia and forgot. Or maybe they arranged for me to fall off my horse, causing said amnesia, so that I’d forget what a horrible childhood they’d given me and convince me that they were the best parents ever. Maybe they’re not even my real parents and they stole me and had to make me forget my other parents. Maybe my entire life before the age of 11 was a lie. Damn you, Google, you’ve made me question my entire life before the age of 11. If you’re not careful, Google, I’m going exact amnesia revenge on you.

On a separate note, I’m a little disappointed that Google didn’t suggest “Emily has a bottle of bourbon.”