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The Perks of Being an Artist

Category Archives: humor

Meet Hinton

11 Sunday Nov 2018

Posted by emilypageart in cats, humor, Uncategorized

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

cat names, cats, jazz, jazz musicians, kitten, kitties, tuxedo cat

So, if you know me, you know I have little to no impulse control when it comes to furry critters. Within 24 hours of Dizzy’s death, I was ready to find another kitty to add to our family. Luckily, S was on board, so we headed out to our favorite shelter, Second Chance Pet Adoption, to get our snuggle on. Within seconds, we found a floof who was perfect. We looked at a few others for awhile (I thoroughly enjoyed sitting in a room and having kittens climb all over me, and if I could have just moved into the room with them, I totally would have), but kept coming back to this one little tuxedoed-up guy.

Hinton

Clearly, it was love at first sight for both of us. It’s scientifically impossible to say “no” to this look.

So we put in our application to adopt him and went home to fight over what to name him. So far, I’ve named all of my cats after jazz musicians (Ella Fitzgerald, Louis “Satchmo” Armstrong, Frank Sinatra, Dizzy Gillespie, Keely Smith, and Madeleine Peyroux) , so I was pushing hard to continue the tradition. S kept suggesting random, old-fashioned names that had nothing to do with anything: Barnabus, Thaddeus, Elridge, etc. But I held out for a jazz name, and the more he pushed for some rando-name, the sillier I got with my suggestions. Here is a list of the names I suggested that S shot down:

1. Thelonius Meownk
2. Charlie Purrker
3. Jelly Roll Meowton
4. Artie Paw
5. Wynton Meowsalis
6. Sonny Pawlins
7. Bing Clawsby

In the end, though, we settled on a name that S suggested that he didn’t know actually had a really great association for me: Hinton. For me, I associate that name with 2 things: 1) Milt Hinton, the jazz bassist and photographer who I met in high school and whose calendars I used to buy every year, and 2) my favorite cocktail from a restaurant in Charlottesville (bourbon – of course – spicy ginger ale, and muddled mint). So basically, we named our new kitten after booze and jazz. Seems appropriate for our house.

Hinton 3

Did he get into the bourbon already?!

Thus far, Keely is maaaaaaaaaad and Maddie is slightly miffed. Keely was not on speaking terms with any of us for awhile, but has already decided that it’s okay to speak to US as long as HE isn’t anywhere around. Progress. And Hinton is settling in nicely. I had forgotten how hard kittens play and then how hard they conk out, all floopy and floppy:

Hinton 2

This is some grade-A floopage.

I had also forgotten how much they fart. If he wasn’t so damn cute, I’d be tossing him from my lap every half hour.

I’ll get back to posting tattoos soon, but for now caaaaaaaaaaaats, because really:

View this post on Instagram

This little guy. We've named him Hinton. I'm in love. The other kitties are not. #cats #catsofinstagram #tuxedocat

A post shared by Emily Page (@emilypageart) on Nov 8, 2018 at 1:19pm PST

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Weekly Tattoo Wrap-up #11

13 Monday Aug 2018

Posted by emilypageart in art, humor, tattooing, Uncategorized

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

child art, lupus ribbon tattoo, oni mask, paw print tattoo, t-rex tattoo, tattoo, tattoo artist, tattoo studio, tattooing, traditional japanese tattoo

It’s been sloooooooooooooow at the tattoo studio the last couple weeks. But I did get to do a couple fun ones. My one regret from this last week was not getting a photo of the guy that got “It’sMonkeyboyTM(c)” tattooed on his arm. I love that he was claiming both trademark and copyright protection on his tattoo, because It’sMonkeyboy is super likely to catch on (watch, now that I’ve been all snarkypants, it’s actually going to go viral and I’ll have to eat my words…although I just looked him up on Twitter and @ItsMonkeyboy is a white guy, and the customer was black, so apparently it’s already being used by someone else…).

And now, for the last 2 weeks in tattoos:

Bonnie's mermaid

I posted a watercolor painting of this image online and asked if anyone wanted it as a tattoo, and guess what? Several someones did, but the first to ask was the one who got it!

Alyssa Peckman watercolor

We had a number of first tattoos this week, including this one, which, apparently, is a symbol for friendship and family.

dog prints - Emily Durham

Another first tattoo, this time a memorial for her pup based on his actual paw prints.

Lupus butterfly - Samantha Chan

For a customer who was newly diagnosed with lupus.

mountains and waves - Emme Brunson

This is the second request I’ve had for mountains over a wave in the last week. Love how this one turned out in particular.

oni mask - Zelance

My first oni tattoo. He plans to eventually turn it into a whole Japanese-inspired sleeve.

plant in jar - Lauren Tapp

This customer designed the tattoo herself, and really wanted to be sure we had some thick and some thin lines. I think it’s an adorable first tattoo.

Bill the T-Rex - Maya Waller

And my favorite for the week: the customer came in for a touch up, and brought her 12 year old sister along. The little sister was joking that she wanted to design a tattoo for her, and the customer – gulp – said yes. This is the drawing she came up with. The T-Rex’s name is Bill and he likes apples. That kid has the best big sister ever.

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Woman

19 Tuesday Jun 2018

Posted by emilypageart in culture, humor, tattooing, Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

female tattoo artist, kesha, misogony, motherfucking woman, sexism, tattoo shop owner

I had a couple young guys in the tattoo studio the other day, shootin’ the shit with each other and making some really sexist, denigrating remarks about women. I kept my mouth shut and just let them be morons (and maybe drilled that tattoo needle in just a tiny bit deeper, lol). Finally, they turned to me and started asking questions about tattooing. Then one of them asked, “How much of what you charge for a tattoo do you have to give to the owner?”

To which I replied, “I am the owner.” Silence in response. And right at that moment, this song came on in the background:

Yasssssssss.

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Dilly Dilly

22 Tuesday May 2018

Posted by emilypageart in art, humor, music, painting, Uncategorized

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

cairn, eggs, lavender, lavender blue dilly dilly, lavender bouquet, oil painting, painting, realism, realist art, realist painting, robin eggs, robin's egg painting, robin's nest, robin's nest painting, stacked rocks, stacked stone, still life, still life painting, wooden box

Well, my migraine finally broke after several days (during which I still managed to do several tattoos, because I am a superhero…or at least, because I wore superhero underpants. That’s the same thing, right?), and I got in a lot of painting yesterday. I finally finished two pieces I’ve been working on forever. Here’s the first, which is a little still life I have sitting in my tattoo studio room. I posted it on Facebook and asked for suggestions for naming it. Someone suggested “Lavender Blue,” which put that damn song (for a truly obnoxious rebooted version of the song, click here) in my head for the last 24+ hours, so I’ve decided to be evil and put an ear worm out there for everyone who reads the painting title. Mwuahahahaaaaa! I give you, “Dilly Dilly.”

Dilly Dilly_compressed

Dilly Dilly 9″ x 12″ oil on board $300

The original is available here. You can find prints and mugs and greeting cards and a million other fun stuffsies here and here and here.

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I Got a Job

03 Thursday May 2018

Posted by emilypageart in health, humor, tattooing, Uncategorized

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

acupuncture, acupuncture office, new job, part-time job, receptionist, tattoo artist, work life balance

I got a job. Yup. I did. A part-time job, but a job nonetheless, so I may have a little less blogging time for the forseeable future. I’m working as an office manager and business development specialist for an internal medicine physician who practices pulse diagnosis neurological acupunture and herbal medicine. How was that for a lot of fancy words in one sentence? Really, I’m a glorified receptionist who tosses out innovative ideas like, “Hey, we should make some videos for social media!”

As part of my compensation, I get weekly acupuncture and herbs, which is cool, but very weird since it involved disclosing my medical history to my boss on the very first day. “Hi, I’m a hot mess who shouldn’t even be able to get out of bed most days. Surprise! Aren’t you glad you hired me?!”

You all know how much I didn’t want to get a job and lose time in the art studio and tattoo studio, so I was hoping my job search might take awhile, but nope. I got the first job I applied for. Stupid competence ruins everything. Luckily, the hours aren’t bad and actually break my day up a bit, so I spend less time crankily sitting around waiting for walk-ins at the tattoo shop. And it seems that I’m getting more tattoo work now that I have less time to be tattooing, which I guess is a good thing. But I only get 1 day off a week now, which is a less than good thing. And my new bosses asked me if I could work on that one day this weekend, so now I have to practice setting my boundaries and actually say “no.” Laziness Work-life balance and all. I like the physician and his fiancee, though, and so far they like me, and I think working there could actually end up being fairly rewarding. You know, helping all the peoples feel all the good feelies.

I’ve been taking fewer pictures of the tattoos I do because I guess I’m not feeling the need to document each and every one anymore. I’ve finally lost count of how many I’ve done. Does that make me a veteran tattoo artist? Not sure 6 weeks of tattooing qualifies me as one, but I’m going to pretend it’s true. That being said, I’ll still take pics of the more interesting ones and at least do weekly tattoo wrap-ups for those of you who don’t already follow me on the InstaBooks and the Facegrams.

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Calf Skin Is the Best

13 Tuesday Mar 2018

Posted by emilypageart in art, humor, tattooing, Uncategorized

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

dandelion seed tattoo, dopy tattoo, elephant blowing on dandelion seed, elephant tattoo, empire state building tattoo, poppy tattoo, tattoo apprentice, tattoo apprenticeship, watercolor flower tattoo, watercolor poppy tattoo, watercolor tattoo

Holy crap, I LOVE calf skin. The skin on the back of your leg, I mean, not the skin of a baby cow. And when I say I love it, I don’t mean, like, for dinner. I love to tattoo it. It is the perfect skin. It’s pre-stretched and firm as though it wants to be tattooed. It’s all, “Hey there, ladycakes, come shove some ink into me.”

So, yesterday I was supposed to do 5 tattoos, but then the weather decided to be an asshole and snow and I only got to do 2. But they were both on people’s calves and OH MY GOD I LOVE CALF SKIN!!!

bonnies-watercolor-poppy.jpgJon's Dopey and Empire State Building

Today, one of Julio’s regulars was in and I showed her pics of what I’d done yesterday and she asked me to give her a tattoo while she was in! So I got to do this little cutiepatootie.

Taylor's elephant and dandelion

And what I learned from her is that back of the neck skin is lovely. Side of the neck skin is a total asshat and is not my friend. But I’m doing my best to win it over.

I’m learning, folks, I’m learning.

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Our Weird

08 Thursday Mar 2018

Posted by emilypageart in art, gratitude, humor, karma, kindness, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Emily Page Art, Emily Page artist, friendship, fun gifts for him, gifts, greeting cards, quirky gifts for her, thank you gift, weird, your weird matches my weird

The last few months have been crazy, and inspiring, and terrifying, and complicated, and hard, and wonderful as I transition from one business to another. And along the way, my friends (I count you among my friends, dear reader) have put up with my bitching, cheered me on, consoled me, and rejoiced with me. And you’ve embraced my weird and brought your own to meet it and it’s so comforting to have people whose weirds match my weird. It’s what has gotten me through such a time of turmoil.

In your honor, I’ve made a couple sketches and put them on some shirts and mugs and cards and other stuff. If you want to thank someone (spouse, friend, child, barista, whatever) for their quirk, these might be a good way to do it.

EPSON MFP image

weird men's shirt

T-shirts like the one above, and prints and tote bags and just about anything else can be found here and here.

EPSON MFP image

weird greeting card

Greeting cards like the one above, along with clothes, and bags, and mugs and stuff of this drawing available here and here.

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My Brain On Meditation

03 Saturday Mar 2018

Posted by emilypageart in humor, Uncategorized

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

cures for insomnia, dumbledore vs magnito, guided meditation, insomnia, meditation for relaxation, meditation for sleep, why can't i meditate, why i suck at meditating

I’ve struggled with insomnia off and on since middle school. My dad and I used to get up in the middle of the night to watch televangelists and laugh at their hair and spray tans. I read the dictionary at night in high school. Twice. I read Don Quixote in Spanish, which I don’t speak a word of other than “Yo tango una gato que se llama es Ella,” which I’m not really sure I spelling or conjugating correctly since I only know it because someone taught it to me while I was very drunk one night in college after I had complained that I felt like I hadn’t learned anything all day. All in an attempt to get to sleep. The reading, that is. I have taken several different types of sleeping pill, as well as natural remedies like Valerian Root over the years. But I’ve figured out that sometimes if I do a guided meditation on an app I have on my iPad, I can get to sleep without the aid of chemicals or planticals.

So there I was, meditating my way into sleep a bit ago using a new guided meditation app, and I was pretty relaxed and starting to let go of my day, when the meditation guide-lady said “acrosst.” Yes, with a “t” at the end. And then it was all over for me.

ME: Why did she say “acrosst?” There’s no “t” in across. Maybe I misheard it. Should I try to rewind and see? No, the light from my iPad will just wake me up again. Is “rewind” the right word? There’s no tape involved. “Backtrack,” maybe? “Reverse?” No, that’s not right. What do the Millenials call it? I don’t know. But where did that “t” in “across” thing even come from? How did it work its way into people’s pronunciation? Why do I care? Shut up, Emily. You’re supposed to be breathing.

MEDITATION LADY: Your body is heavy.

ME: Did she just call me “fat?” WTF?

MEDITATION LADY: Your mind is still.

ME: Yeah, still trying to figure out why you, who have no discernible accent, would say “acrosst.”

MEDITATION LADY: Imagine your body melting with each exhalation of breath.

ME: Like that guy in the first X-men movie (was it the first one, or a later one? I get them all confused.) that Magnito turns into a jellyfish. I love that guy – the actor who plays Magnito. Is he the one who’s friends with Patrick Stewart, or is he the one who plays Dumbledore? Or are they the same guy? I always get them confused. Hey, just like the X-men movies! Well, whoever he is, I love him. I don’t like the actor who turns into a jellyfish. I can’t remember his name either. If Dumbledore and Magnito got in a fight, who do you think would win? I have an itch on my ear. I’ve already relaxed my arm. Will I be undoing all that meditation if I reach up and scratch my ear? Wait, am I technically meditating right now? I mean, really, let’s be honest. I’m failing at this. Just like I fail at everything.

MEDITATION LADY: Relax the tension in your jaw.

ME: There is tension in my jaw!! How did she do that?! She knows I was clenching my jaw just now but she doesn’t know how to pronounce “across?” The world just doesn’t make sense sometimes. I should really give up on meditating tonight and take a sleeping pill. And maybe write this down before the pill kicks in.

And now, dear reader, here we are. Sweet dreams.

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Superhero Underpants Work

02 Friday Mar 2018

Posted by emilypageart in art, humor, tattooing, Uncategorized

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

first tattoo, how not to be 22, moose, Ratatat Tats, sucky tattoos, tattoo, tattoo apprentice, tattoo studio, tattooing

Superhero underpants work, y’all. Seriously. You can’t have a bad day if you’re wearing superhero underpants. If I wear superhero underpants when I have to take a flight somewhere, my flight never gets cancelled. It works every single time. So with that knowledge, I wore them yesterday. And as an added guarantee, I wore superhero socks, too.

Why yesterday? Because yesterday I knew I was going to be giving my VERY FIRST TATTOO. (I mean, unless you count the permanent makeup I’ve already done. But that’s different equipment so I’m not counting it.) My mentor, Julio, has a thigh he reserves as his “practice thigh” for those of us wishing to learn the noble art of shoving needles and ink into skin. So I got into work bright and early (if “bright and early” means “noonish,” which, let’s face it, it does for an artist) and Julio let me dive in. Squeeeeeeee! And eeeeeeeeeeep! For my first time, he just wanted me to  learn a little a line work. So he asked me to design a frame to put around an existing tattoo he has, and this is what I did:

first tattoo ever.jpg

The longer lines are pretty shaky, because, well, I was shaking like a mofo, because, well, I was terrified. But by the end I was feeling more comfortable, and I’m kinda sorta almost proud of it…for my first time.

While I was finishing up, Julio’s next customer, who I’m going to call Moose*, came in and liked it enough to ask me to do a tattoo for him. So on my very first day, I had my very first paying customer. Whaaaaaaaaat?!!! Double squeeeeeeee! And double eeeeeeeeeeep! That just doesn’t happen.

SUPERHERO UNDERPANTS, Y’ALL. I’m telling you.

So anyway, this kid was all of 22 years old, which explains his lack of fear of having a total novice ink something for all eternity into his skin. It will also explain his choice of subject matter, which you’ll see below.

void-beer1.jpg

I’m not sure how one voids a beer, unless maybe he means that he’s voiding his bladder of beer? Whatever, it’s not MY arm.

Since I’ve only learned lining so far (and just barely that), he’ll have to come back once I’ve had a chance to practice a little shading on Julio’s thigh. Then we can add shading and color.tattooing Moose.jpg

I learned a few things in my adventures yesterday: First, skin is bumpy. Like, really bumpy. So getting clean, straightish lines is tough.  Second, the skin on your upper arm is nothing like the skin on your thigh, and the skin on Julio is nothing like the skin on Moose. So even if I get lining down well on one piece of skin, it’s a whole new ballgame on the next piece of skin. Practice will be everything. Third, adreneline makes me shake like crazy. Fourth, I’m glad I’m not 22 anymore.

So, yeah, yesterday was a big day. And I owe it all to superhero underpants.

*If you’re wondering why I’m calling him Moose, it’s because he reminded me very much of this construction worker, Moose, who worked on our house when I was a teenager. Moose was in his early 20’s, and liked to get drunk and do stupid shit. Like, hop onto my horse without permission and get bucked off. One morning, I climbed out of the shower and was dancing around my room while I got dressed for school, and mid-half-naked dance, looked out the window and saw Moose sitting in his car in the driveway watching me. Yup. He was a swell fellow. That weekend, he got drunk and fell out of the back of his friend’s pickup truck and broke his arm.  Luckily, that meant he couldn’t come back and work on our house anymore. What a fuckbucket, guys. Seriously. Maybe someone should have gotten him a pair of superhero underpants.

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Marie Catoinette

12 Monday Feb 2018

Posted by emilypageart in art, cats, culture, humor, painting, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

18th century fashion, 18th century hairstyles, acrylic painting, art, cat art, cats, Emily Page Art, Emily Page artist, marie antoinette, marie antoinette hair, marie antoinette wig, marie catoinette, painting

I have a friend. She turned 50. I know: quite the accomplishment. In order to help her celebrate said milestone, I promised her a work of original art. She likes cats. And words. And fantasy. And, based on some of the art in her home, 18th century fashion? I don’t know, I could be getting that wrong. But she has a kickass sense of humor, so I decided to combine several of her loves for her very special, one of a kind, original Emily Page painting:

Marie Catoinette.JPG

Marie Catoinette 20″ x 16″ acrylic on canvas

Elle est tres jolie, non? Happy birthday, Laura!

Prints and stuffs available here and here.

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