• About

The Perks of Being an Artist

~ Because demented people need love, too.

The Perks of Being an Artist

Tag Archives: drinking

I Am a Ninja Gladiator

16 Monday Feb 2015

Posted by emilypageart in health, humor

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Advil, Aleve, Alize, arthritis, ass, bourbon, chronic pain, drinking, drunk texting, fibromyalgia, floaters, gladiator, lederhosen, ninja, ninja gladiator, Zima

After one whole not-even-very-big glass of Alize last night, I had the following exchange with my friend, who has also dealt with chronic pain, via text:

ME: I’m a ninja gladiator. Thought you should know. I might also be drinking. Oh, and it’s 11:11. Make a wish.

HER: What do ninja gladiators drink? Bourbon, I presume.

ME: Tonight they drink Alize.

HER: Is that something autocorrect made up or is it a real drink? It sounds like a combo of Aleve and Zima.

ME: Real drink. Passion fruit infused vodka. Yummy and sweet but it miraculously doesn’t turn my stomach.

HER: That’s not miraculous, that’s ninja.

ME: But I’m hoping it works like a mix of Aleve and Zima. Having a fibro/arthritis flare from the cold, wet weather, I think. Numbing my body after holding out for several days with only the Aleve.

Hence the fact that I’m a ninja gladiator. I could fight lions with shot in my system.

Shit, not shot. Not really a shot kind of drink.

This shit. Good lord.

HER: Clearly not a grammar ninja right now.

ME: Grammar gladiator? I take grammar on and kick its ass until it dies a horrible death.

Also, autocorrect didn’t like “ass” at all. Clearly, I don’t text that word enough.

HER: Ass.

ME: Ass ass ass ass ass ass. Lion dead.

Fuck autocorrect. It tried to turn all of those into “assets.” But I insisted strongly-er.

S just said “floaters” and I laughed and then had to explain why that was funny.

HER: If you were up here in Boston, you’d be a ninja-cicle by now. You should make up a ninja rap.

ME: I like Alize and I cannot lie…

I just tried to rhyme “frozen” with “lederhosen.” ‘Nuff said. I should probably not have any more to drink.

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • Tumblr

Like this:

Like Loading...

Early Rising

31 Saturday Jan 2015

Posted by emilypageart in humor

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

bourbon, drinking

You know what would make getting up early on Saturday mornings so much more fun? Bourbon.

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • Tumblr

Like this:

Like Loading...

Vacuuming

30 Friday Jan 2015

Posted by emilypageart in humor

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

bourbon, cleaning, drinking, housework, vacuuming

You know what would make vacuuming way more fun? Bourbon.

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • Tumblr

Like this:

Like Loading...
Follow The Perks of Being an Artist on WordPress.com

Emily Page

Emily Page

Check Out the Art

You can view my artwork on Facebook or on my website at http://www.emilypageart.com

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Archives

Buy Fractured Memories!

Buy the book!

Goodreads – Fractured Memories

Follow The Perks of Being an Artist on WordPress.com

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 2,252 other followers

Buy Fractured Memories!

Buy Fractured Memories!

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: