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The Perks of Being an Artist

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The Perks of Being an Artist

Tag Archives: I’m a hot mess

I Cannot Be Trusted With My Own Safety

21 Thursday Apr 2016

Posted by emilypageart in health, humor, Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

all the dumbass ways I've hurt myself this week, bourbon, bubble wrap, darwin awards, I'm a hot mess, I'm dangerous, injuries

I’m a wreck, y’all. I keep getting injured in the dumbest ways. I’m starting to be afraid that I’ll end up getting a Darwin award. It’s not that I’m doing anything particularly dangerous, it’s just that I have been exceptionally uncoordinated lately. I mentioned yesterday that I have a blood blister because I basically stabbed myself with a screwdriver (The tool, not the drink. I really shouldn’t have to clarify this. What’s wrong with you people?) while framing a painting. I also managed to pull a muscle in my hip getting into bed. Not a really high bed or a really low bed, just an average bed. ‘Cause I got skillz, yo. Then I banged my shin THREE times on the edge of the platform I teach on during painting classes. As if that weren’t enough, I was cleaning the tub and was crouched down with my back to the faucet, and then I tried to stand up while not realizing that I was actually directly under the faucet, and now I pretty much have a tramp stamp scraped into my lower back from the fucking thing.

Will someone please wrap me in pillows and fleece blankets so I stop getting injured? And while you’re at it, please pour bourbon down my throat to kill the pain. Just don’t pour the bourbon down my throat and let me anywhere near stairs unless you also wrap the pillows and blankets with bubble wrap first. I could be the world’s first pillow-blanket-bubble-wrap taco!

Mmmmm, now I want tacos.

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Buying a Home

01 Friday May 2015

Posted by emilypageart in humor

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Tags

buying a house, home, I'm a hot mess

We are trying to buy a house, which means that, for the foreseeable future, you can pretty much expect that I will look like this:

Frazzled 5-1-15

Someone, please pass me the bourbon.

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Emily Page

Emily Page

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