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The Perks of Being an Artist

Tag Archives: Kardashians

Holy Shit, We’re Secretly In a Star Trek Episode

17 Sunday Jul 2016

Posted by emilypageart in culture, humor, Uncategorized

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Cardassian, Episode 106, Kardashians, Next Generation, Pokemon GO, Season 5 episode 6 of Star Trek Next Generation, Star Trek

Do any of my other geeky friends remember the Star Trek Next Generation episode, The Game? I’m pretty sure we’re living that episode right now. The hubs and I went to lunch today and the plaza was full of people playing Pokemon GO. Dozens of people wandering around in packs with their phones raised tracking the next prize or whateverthefuck you’re supposed to find. They weren’t speaking to each other, just wandering around looking dazed. Based on the Star Trek episode, I’m pretty sure we’re about to be taken over by aliens, and based on the continued popularity of the Kardashians, we know exactly which species of aliens it will be.

You’ve been warned.

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Things I Think While I’m Teaching

18 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by emilypageart in art, humor, sip and paint studio, Uncategorized

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Tags

bourbon, bourbon slurpees, catamaran, Kardashians, things I think while I teach

Sometimes, when I’m teaching a class and I’m waiting for my customers to finish painting a step and they’re not talking so I have nothing to eavesdrop on, I think things like, “If I were a sailor, I’d name my cat Catamaran.” And then I think things like, “How come no one has sold stock in themselves? I bet Kim Kardashian would do that.” And then I think things like, “I wish someone would invent bourbon slurpees.” And then I think things like, “Holy shitballs. It’s a really good thing my customers can’t hear my thoughts.”

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Death Via Gluttony

21 Sunday Dec 2014

Posted by emilypageart in blog, health, humor

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food baby, Ghostbusters, gluttony, Kardashians

Is it possible to die from eating too much? Because I’m pretty sure that’s what’s happening to me. I got up at 8:30am yesterday morning, taught a class from 10am-1pm, another class from 2:30-5pm, and another from 7-10:30pm. Then I collapsed in a heap into a booth at Carolina Ale House, where I proceeded to eat my weight in chicken zingers and Carolina Mudpie. I think it was the Mudpie that did it. This thing was triple the size that it normally is. And they sprinkled extra cinnamon sugar on it, and holy mother-of-deliciousness, Batman! I couldn’t stop. I ate and ate and ate and now I have a food baby and it’s trying to claw its way out through my belly button. It’s 3:45am and I’m still wide awake because the food baby won’t shut the hell up. I think it’s demonic based on the growling noises emanating from my stomach. I should call in Ghostbusters because when this thing finally manages to tear through the last layer of skin, there’s going to be an explosion of ectoplasm. I wonder if it’s a boy or a girl? Phoebe or Pheobo? Since it’s my own damn fault, I feel like I should take ownership of it and give it a name. Maybe it’ll be gentler on me then. I’m thinking I’d like to name it Bertha if it’s a girl and Barnabus if it’s a boy, but I’m open to suggestion. Either way, I’m pretty sure I’m dying and won’t be around long to watch the havoc it will wreak upon this world. It’ll give the Kardashians a run for their money. I’m sorry, dear friends. This was not my intent. I’ll miss you.

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Emily Page

Emily Page

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