I am pleased to announce that I have decided not to outsource and will be making all of the mucous for the United States of America in my own nose. I’m a freakin’ snot factory over here, guys. Making America Great again, one soaked tissue at a time. You’re welcome.
I feel obligated to post something and don’t really have anything I want to talk about today, so I’m just going to tell you that I’m pleased to announce that the mucous that had decided to hold a convention in my head has finally left to reconvene elsewhere. My nose-trolls are very happy about this, obviously. Feel free to have some bourbon to help me celebrate.