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The Perks of Being an Artist

Tag Archives: pity party

The Artist’s Shame Spiral

12 Thursday Nov 2015

Posted by emilypageart in art, culture, dance, painting

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

abstract art, art, artist, dancers, Dogwood blossom, Emily Page Art, expressionist art, gallery, modern art, oil on board, oil on canvas, oil painting, paint, painting, pity party, realist art, rejection, still life, whining

One of the tough things about being an artist is rejection. To be honest, you’re surrounded by it most of the time. Whether it be from a gallery turning down your request to have them carry your work, or from sales that don’t happen. Even the people that tell you how much they love your work are, in a way, rejecting you when they don’t like it enough to actually buy it. Pricing your work is hard, too, because you want to sell it, but you want to value it for what it’s worth. But what it’s worth is really arbitrary. If it’s not selling at any price, it’s not worth anything. I’ve raised and lowered prices several times, and it really doesn’t seem to make much difference. This, of course, makes me think the work is no good.

My dancer work appeals mostly to dancers or former dancers, who generally have no money. My realist work is smaller but more expensive because of the time required to complete each piece, and people balk at the price. And when I go into galleries, I see mostly landscape art. I can do landscapes, but it really doesn’t interest me beyond a little plein air painting now and then. I appreciate the landscape art other people do, but I don’t have much fun doing it myself. And I don’t just want to imitate what other people are already doing. That’s not art.

So I find myself feeling kind of down about it all over the last few days. When I was painting in Boone last week, I realized how meditative painting is for me. I haven’t had time lately to paint much, and my studio in my house isn’t set up well yet, so I’d kind of forgotten how much I enjoy it. When I was out there painting, my brain finally just shutthefuckup and I stopped worrying about every little thing. I was just there, painting. Clearly I need to paint more frequently. I know people think that’s what I do at the sip and paint studio, but really, I’m teaching, not painting. Technically, I have a paintbrush in hand, but I’m busy listening to my customers chatter so I know if someone needs help, or I’m planning how I’m going to teach the next step, or watching the clock to make sure we’re moving at a reasonable pace. I’m not concentrating on just playing with the paint (not to mention that I’ve already painted what I’m teaching several times, so it loses its thrill).

I also found a really great gallery in Blowing Rock, and submitted my work despite the fact the 9 out of 10 paintings were impressionist landscapes. I knew it was a long shot, but thought maybe I could fill a niche for them. They, of course, said no. Which sends me spiraling down and thinking that my work is crap. Or makes me feel like I need to switch to painting landscapes if I ever want to make a living as an artist. Then we went to the NC Museum of Art, and when we got to the modern art section, I started getting really pissed off. Great, the artist painted sloppy squares next to more sloppy squares using ugly colors. And the museum bought the work for thousands of dollars. Meanwhile, I’m doing this, which takes really ability, not just an interesting concept, and no one will pay even $100 for it.

5

5″x5″ oil on board

I recognize that this is one long, whiny post, but I’m feeling like I need to get this stuff out to move past it. I know I should just be painting for myself for the joy of painting, but I have a whole storage room full of art, and it’s hard to justify making more work that’s going to sit in a dark room where no one will ever see it. Truth be told, I switched to the realist work mostly because I can do smaller pieces that will take up less storage space and because it’s become clear that people aren’t going to embrace my abstract expressionist dancers.

I also recognize that not every gallery is going to be a good fit, so I really need to be submitting to new galleries every week, and then maybe I’ll develop a thicker skin for each new rejection, and eventually, hopefully, I’ll find a gallery that will carry and can sell my work. But for now, I need to nurse my wounds from the latest “no” and figure out how to gather the courage to try again.

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Gratitudinousness

11 Thursday Jun 2015

Posted by emilypageart in art, gratitude, health, mental health, painting

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

art, artist, breaking the negative cycle, depression, gratitude, kicking myself in the ass, mental illness, paint, painter, painting, pity party, tomatoes

Normally, on Thursdays, I post a painting about who my dad was before the dementia, but the next one isn’t yet complete, so I’m going to skip it. I’m also not going to talk about him today, because I’ve been in a very dark place over the last couple weeks, and things seem to be getting darker by the minute. This is not the normal time of year for me to get this depressed, so I’m not really sure what’s going on. Have had several loved ones get very sick, and I think it’s contributing to it.  But I have an exercise I do with a friend, Kristy, where, once a week, we trade emails with all the things we’re grateful for over the last week. It helps us each kick ourselves in the ass and stop focusing on the negative. It doesn’t always work, but I do think it helps me break the negative cyclical thoughts. And I find that reading the triumphs and little things that make her happy help to cheer me, too. It forces me to look at little things I might otherwise miss. I just finished typing mine up and sending them to her, and thought I’d try the exercise with you, dear readers. This won’t be a weekly thing, but here are some highlights of my gratitude. I’d love for any of you who are willing, to comment with something that you’re grateful for, to help me see the sunnier side of things.

– I’m starting a new project for the haunt. Will post about it once it’s complete, but for now I’ll just say that it’s way outside of anything I’ve done before, and I’m having to learn as a I go. I love starting new art projects because of the promise they hold, and I love learning a new skill in the process.

– I’ve started giving Satch B12 injections. I’m grateful that I’ve had enough experience with needles that I have no problem doing the injections. I’m equally grateful that they seem to be helping stimulate his appetite and find his purr again. We may not be able to prolong his life, but however long he has should be of a higher quality than before.

– This weekend, I was at work and was going stir crazy. So I called S and said, “we need to stop working right this instant and take the rest of the afternoon off like normal people.” So we went to Adventure Landing and played skee ball and miniature golf. I’m truly awful at both, but I got a hole in one! S got 3. I love that when we play we don’t actually keep score and make it truly competitive. I mean, we get competitive, but only in as much as we look for ways to cheat and sabotage the other person by jumping in front of their ball to block it, or using the club like a pool stick, or blowing on the ball to avoid one last stroke when it’s on the edge of the cup. We were laughing so hard and having so much fun, even though it was eleventy million degrees out. When we were done with the skee ball, we found a little kid and gave him our tickets so he could get a prize. I loved the look on the kid’s face. It was like I’d given him pirate gold.

– I love that, when I do the dishes, I can squeeze the dish soap bottle in just the right way to send bubbles floating around the kitchen. I also love that, sometimes, Dizzy chases them.

– I’m grateful that my god daughter squeals with excitement whenever she sees me. It makes me glow.

– My mom has been taking woodworking classes and is letting me design a coffee table for the new house we’re getting. I sent her rough drawings a few days ago, and she sent over the sketches with the dimensions last night and I’m so excited I might wet myself.

– Breezes. Because, yo, it’s hot.

– Big thick vines that wrap their way around trees. When I was a kid we cut the bases of a couple out at camp and used them as swings like Tarzan. When I pass them now, I smile and think about how much fun that was, sawing away with our pocket knifes and yodeling as we swung.

– Honeysuckle. It makes my walks smell wonderful and puts the song Honeysuckle Rose in my head. Here’s Patti Austen’s version, one of my favorites.

And just in case you’re missing me posting a little art on Thursday, here’s my newest still life of a veggie for which I’m ever so grateful:

Tomatoes with Stems, 12"x12" oil on board $360

Tomatoes with Stems, 12″x12″ oil on board $360

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I Will Be Your Comfort Monkey

08 Sunday Feb 2015

Posted by emilypageart in humor, mental health

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Tags

comfort, monkey, pity party

If my last post didn’t help you stop and take stock of what is good in your life, and you need to just sit and be sad for a little bit, that’s okay. Just imagine that we’re the two monkeys in the video, only better dressed. And I probably won’t eat any bugs I find crawling on you. And my voice might not be quite so high. And I’ll probably have less facial hair. But other than that, we’re them.

Monkey Comfort

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Pity Party Over

08 Sunday Feb 2015

Posted by emilypageart in gratitude, humor, mental health

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

bourbon, depression, gratitude, pity party

Okay, pity party over. Time to kick myself in the ass and put some good juju out into the universe. Yes, the last week has sucked royally, and I didn’t deserve to get yelled at by the guy who was driving down the wrong side of the street. But I was alert enough to avoid him and not wreck my car. Yes, they hacked most of the limbs off of the cherry tree that is the main reason S and I have stayed in our shithole apartment. But I’ve gotten to enjoy those beautiful blossoms snowing down on me all spring for the last 3 years. Yes, I’m having a really tough time dealing with my feelings about my dad’s dementia and it’s giving me nightmares every night. But I’m so damn lucky to have a father that’s worth missing this bad. And yes, I’m sleep deprived as a result, but I have a warm soft bed to lie awake in, and a comfy sofa to snuggle on with the cats when I can’t stay in bed awake any longer. Yes, my fibromyalgia and endometriosis are flaring, but that’s what heating pads and Advil are for. Yes, the drop off for my next art show got all screwed up and cost me money and will necessitate a lot more driving and unloading and reloading and re-unloading of the car. But at least I’ve got another show lined up, and I got to borrow my husband’s car for the week and it has seat warmers. Yes, I’ve had some truly ugly, nasty customers demanding the world from me for free and bitching me out when I don’t give in. But I have plenty of other customers and am able to make a living playing with paint. Life could be a lot worse. No one trashed the studio bathroom this whole week. S and I have been taking turns picking what movie we watch, and we’ve gotten to see a few new ones that we liked. I don’t have to date any of the crazy women on the Batchelor (have you been watching that???! Holy all new level of crazy, Batman!). Our power stays on all day. We have running water. No bombs have gone off near us (except a few f-bombs). I can breathe without the aid of an oxygen tank or a respirator. The Muppets exist. So does cheese. When I do the dishes, I can squirt bubbles into the air so that they dance around me as I clean. I’m not addicted to much besides silly socks and word games on my phone and hugs from the people I love. I have lots of people to love. And, if all else fails, I have bourbon. Wink.

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Emily Page

Emily Page

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