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The Perks of Being an Artist

Tag Archives: wrangler

My Husband is a Murderer

04 Thursday Dec 2014

Posted by emilypageart in blog, humor

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Tags

husband, llamacorn, murderer, slugs, tv, wrangler

Here is lie #2 about my husband: My husband is a murderer. Remember how I said that we had tons of slugs in our apartment complex? Well, my husband had heard that if you sprinkle them with salt, it makes them go away. He figured they hated it and it would make them run (and by run, I mean ooze) as far away as they could. So he sprinkled salt on one and it shriveled up a died and looked like a dried, black booger. Or a little cat turd, maybe. Delightful, no? He didn’t realize it would die, so then he felt really, really bad about it and got super guilty. Instead of comforting him that he hadn’t intended to cut the slug down in the prime of its life, I chose to tell him he was cruel and evil.

Okay, so this story is actually true, but I’m the slug slayer and my husband is the non-soother. They should really make that the next hit TV show. Instead of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, it’ll be Emily the Slug Slayer. It might not be as fast paced, but that’s okay. They could bring in slug wranglers to get the slugs to act in the scenes. Hey, maybe the hubs would be better at slug wrangling than he was at llamacorn wrangling! I bet they’d pay him a lot of money for it. Unless they decided that the money was better spent on creating CGI slugs. They’d probably have to put a disclaimer at the end of each show saying that no slugs were harmed in the making.

Also, I think I have slug on the brain because under the Advanced Settings tab on wordpress, there’s a box called SLUG. What the hell is that for??! Is it supposed to signify that this post will be so kickass that it’ll slug you upside the head? Is it a way to let all of my slug readers know that this post will be about them? Will someone please enlighten as to the point of the SLUG box?

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My Husband is a Llamacorn Wrangler

04 Thursday Dec 2014

Posted by emilypageart in art, blog, humor

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

art, blog, husband, lies, llamacorn, unicorn, worship me, wrangler

I’ve been badgering my husband to get him to read my blog, but so far, no dice. I have decided that, in retaliation for not devoting every waking moment to worshipping the ground I walk on, I am going to spread lies about him all over the internet. By “all over the internet,” of course, I mean here on this blog because, let’s face it, I’m way too damn lazy to do it anywhere else. Today’s lie is that, before he met me, my husband wrangled llamacorns (llamas with unicorn horns, obviously) in New Zealand. He wasn’t very good at it, though, and whenever they’d spit at him, he’d run for the hills, and since he has hobbit feet (being from New Zealand and all), he’d trip a lot and the llamacorns could run him down and dance jigs around his sprawled body. Pathetic, really. I kept one of the llamacorns as a souvenir and mounted its head when it died and gave it to a friend whose life-long dream is also to become a llamacorn wrangler. Let’s hope she’s better at it than he was.

Llamacorn 3_compressed

(I really did make this! That part isn’t a lie.)

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Emily Page

Emily Page

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